Hello everyone. My name is Tanya. I’m a developer who specializes in Python and Django. It’s around 1:40 AM, and I can’t sleep. My husband and I just finished watching the Washington Capitals game, but while he drifted off, I kept thinking. So here I am, trying to do something that helps me combat my anxiety and the feeling that I haven’t really achieved much in life.

Lately, imposter syndrome has been hitting me hard — especially in this age of AI and automation. These days, if you want a perfect product or just want things done faster, you can ask an AI to do it for you. And sometimes that makes me feel worse. I wonder if I’m really doing enough — even these pages were set up with AI’s help.

Over the years, I’ve faced many challenges as a developer. I’ve had my share of victories and frustrations. I’ve learned a lot, but I’ve never really had someone to look up to — no mentor or role model. That made my programming journey awkward. I had to build myself from scratch, with what I learned at a technical middle school and the little time I spent at university. I picked up patterns by watching others at work without really knowing what they were. I didn’t know what SOLID or design patterns meant — I just followed what everyone else did.

Then AI appeared. ChatGPT, Claude, and others — along with a brief but meaningful time working with a really good tech team — completely changed how I saw programming. I started learning proper practices in Django, exploring class-based views after years of only using functions. I discovered mixins, cleaner designs, SOLID principles, and reusable code.

But the more I learned, the more I felt unprepared to join another team. I kept thinking, what if I’m useless somewhere else? AI was showing me a world I had never seen before — and it’s strange to admit that it feels like AI became the mentor I’d always needed.

Months ago, I started working on a portfolio, but it never went anywhere. My job drains me, and when I’m done, all I want is to rest — or focus on my health and fitness. Still, I’ve decided that’s enough waiting. I’m going to start doing small things for myself again.

I want to share these moments — the realizations of a programmer in her mid-30s who’s still learning, maybe a bit late, but learning nonetheless. One of those moments was when I finally understood Big O notation (I wrote about it here). It hit me hard — I should’ve been thinking this way for years. But better late than never, right?

I know I might sound negative sometimes, but this is just where I am right now. I’ll also share my victories — I don’t want this to be just a blog about anxiety, but about growth too.

Thank you for reading. I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Tanya